Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
chuck Norris get`s pulled over by cop and the cop gets a ticket
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket. Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It’s a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Q: why did the cat get a ticket A: he was caught littering
Did you know that Former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11. Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket
Why didn’t the orphan see the new movie?
It was spider man no way home
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
One day I was very happy, I managed to win lottery and receive free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia! Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived towards me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why is he doing this only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruin my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
