Ticket jokes
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.
You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
Why didn’t the orphan see the new movie?
It was "Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.
Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.