Train jokes

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Subway was a place where you buy subways.

Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.

What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a train tunnel?

A train tunnel doesn’t get any wider when you rail it.

If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.

There is a Mexican sitting on a train.

The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."

The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

I need a hug.

*hugs train*

How does a train eat?

"Chew chew!"

Why was the train late?

It kept getting sidetracked.

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?

It couldn't stay on track.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.