Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
Answer: Because it’s a scaredy-cat.
What did I do with the internet?
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12?
They don't have a home button.
Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
What does an orphan call a family picture?
Answer: a selfie.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.