Worst Jokes Ever
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My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Why was the calf afraid?
Because she was a cow-herd.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!