Worst Jokes Ever
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni and got plane.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
Orphan, why can’t I watch a PG movie?
Because they are Parental Guidance.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
What is Hitler's favorite letter?
Not-Z.
The emo kid went to give a tree a high five.
The tree left him hanging.