Worst Jokes Ever

Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.