What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.
I’m in catholic school.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
A man is pulled over by a police officer.
The policeman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"
The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license, please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The officer says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?!"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his own car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?"
The man opens the trunk, but there is nothing there.
The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"
The man says, "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.
"One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs through his pockets, pulls out a wallet, and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
"Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A Juan on Juan.
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
These jokes are so dark that they picked the cotton!
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
