Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
Why can't orphans play basketball?
They don't know where home is.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?
The clock actually comes back around.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?
Special Forces.
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
The F in orphans stands for family...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, LOL.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?
A: Because the ball comes back.