Worst Jokes Ever
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
What if your Corona test is neutral?
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
Why was Michael Jackson fired as a guitar teacher?
Because he fingered a minor.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.