Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Worst Jokes Ever
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
Robin's gay.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."
