Worst Jokes Ever
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
Explain Bear is my favorite.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
Paul's favorite car.
A Carrera GT.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!