Worst Jokes Ever
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."