Worst Jokes Ever
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?
They both thank you for your financial support.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).