Worst Jokes Ever
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?
Chocolate drops.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"