Worst Jokes Ever
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
I love rap!
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."