Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father."