Worst Jokes Ever
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.