Worst Jokes Ever
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.