Worst Jokes Ever

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?

Vegetable soup.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.