Worst Jokes Ever

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.