Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken next to him farted.

What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue.

Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.

What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.

I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding only half a worm.

Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

what's a depressed person's favorite game?

hangman

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.

He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.