Worst Jokes Ever
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.