Worst Jokes Ever
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Because it's the only time they are wanted.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.