Worst Jokes Ever
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.