Worst Jokes Ever
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.