Worst Jokes Ever
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.