Worst Jokes Ever

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.

What was Hitler's lucky number?

Nein.

What is an orphan's favorite show?

Batman.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

Why didn't Trump beat Biden?

Because he couldn't trump that bitch!

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"