Worst Jokes Ever
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!