Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
"Hee hee touched me."
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"You're too young to smoke."
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.