So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Worst Jokes Ever
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
