Worst Jokes Ever

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.

What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.