Worst Jokes Ever
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.
Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.