I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What kind of family pictures do orphans take?
Selfies!!
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
