Worst Jokes Ever
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.