Worst Jokes Ever
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country!!!
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...