Worst Jokes Ever
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!