Worst Jokes Ever

Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

Did you hear about that Muslim party?

It was a blast!

What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're not wanted.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

The earth used to be flat.

Till they buried yo mama.

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

What do you call male mermaids?

Mer-butlers!

I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

I heard a joke about chocolate.

It wasn’t that funny.

I just Snicker-ed.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?

Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?

A: Because they're retired!

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.