Worst Jokes Ever
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One is loved.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.
Epic gamer.
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.