Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
SpongeBob did 9/11.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
Yo mama so fat that she doesn't need the internet, she is worldwide.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Why can orphans watch PG movies?
Because it's "Parental Guidance."
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...
Because it's a FAMILY company.
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.