Worst Jokes Ever
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
I like CHEESE!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?
Lickalotapuss.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.