Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he’s dead.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
Someone dies.
What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.
A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.