Worst Jokes Ever

Halloween joke:

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

A blood test.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Why do orphans go to prison?

Because that's their only home.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

The 5 year old with cancer is going through a mid-life crisis.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field? The baseball field has a home to run back to.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?

Panera bread serving food.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

What did momma seal name her twin girls?

Luceal and Sealia.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.