Worst Jokes Ever
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.