Worst Jokes Ever
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
The "f" in orphan is for family.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Imagine if this got over 69 likes! Wow! 🤩 🇫🇷
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!