Worst Jokes Ever

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?

Because they'll cause a car crash.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

What is Saturn's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.

I was at an emotional wedding. The cake was in tiers.

What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?

The taste.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?

Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?

You have to look down to see him.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.