When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Worst Jokes Ever
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
LewenGOALski
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Why did the orphan become a str1pper?
So she can have someone to call daddy.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on the bench?
The NBA.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.
What's the biggest joke ever? Gender equality.
Are you a knife? Because I want you.
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
What's a foot fetishist's favorite food? Hot dogs.
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.