Worst Jokes Ever
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?
Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.