A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
Worst Jokes Ever
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
Genders are like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.
I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...
A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.
"I will Always Love You!"
moo.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
