Worst Jokes Ever

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

The number 13? Not on my watch!

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?

One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?