Worst Jokes Ever
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.