Worst Jokes Ever
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Alpha Kenny body?
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.