Worst Jokes Ever
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."