Worst Jokes Ever
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but only got plane.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!