So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.
Worst Jokes Ever
I hate myself.
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
