Worst Jokes Ever
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
I wish my grass were emo because then it would cut itself.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
It's been 2 years since I've been on this. Hello, guys!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What’s a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
What's black and long?
- The line at KFC.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
What's black and long? A line at KFC.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?