Worst Jokes Ever
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.