Worst Jokes Ever
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
Make like a drum and beat it!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
Ariana Grande
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
Girls with the name Zoe have big foreheads.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]