Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?

Carlos!

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?

He was roasted.

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

I made a website about orphans.

But I can’t make a home page.

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.

Students: Hiding under desk.

Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is! 🤣