Best Jokes - Page 173 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Man: What's up?

Me: I'm annoyed.

Man: Why?

Me: I stole my gf's heart.

Man: So why are you annoyed?

Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.

A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.