Worst Jokes Ever

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

What do you call a bee’s love?

Honey.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"

Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

What sucks but doesn't suck?

Vacuums!

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.