Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

Q: Can orphans hit a home run?

A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.

I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

Olivia Rodrigo

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

What part do people slit the most?

Everyone.