Worst Jokes Ever

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Where you left it.

bradley

What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.

The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.

The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.

Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...

Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.

Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.