Worst Jokes Ever

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

What is a physicist's favorite food?

Fission chips.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

What do you call lesbian sex during their period?

A blood transfusion.

I love all races, even the bad ones.

Hi, I'm new.

I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!

How do you blindfold a woman?

Put a windshield in front of them.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?

Jacks and 5.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."