Worst Jokes Ever

Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and I feel better.

You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

What do you call an owl with armor?

A Knight Owl!

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" the passenger said.

"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?

Tortilla chips.