Worst Jokes Ever

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

How do you know you’re ugly?

If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

I groomed 2 minors today.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

I can see my future in your forehead.

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

Q: What comes before 47?

A: AK

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"