Worst Jokes Ever
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Why are mountains never serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
- The Milky Way!
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.