Worst Jokes Ever
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.