Worst Jokes Ever

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

I groomed 2 minors today.