Worst Jokes Ever
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.