Worst Jokes Ever
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!