Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

The more emos there are, the less emos there are.

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A trom-bone 😂

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

Suicide gives you security for the future.

Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.