Worst Jokes Ever
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Why did the OREO go to the dentist?
Because he needed a filling. 😂
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.