Worst Jokes Ever
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!