Worst Jokes Ever
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.