Worst Jokes Ever
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
What do you call a white man surrounded by black men? Coach.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
it was just a prank bro.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"