Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.