Worst Jokes Ever
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.