Worst Jokes Ever
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.