Worst Jokes Ever
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
These gags are killing me!
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.