Worst Jokes Ever
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."