Worst Jokes Ever
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.